Tylenol Doesn't Cure Knowitall

Nice white skirt...the car's

No man knows less than the man who knows it all -Some white dude I met at Starbucks.

I was admiring a friend's Fiat Abarth 500. I had seen someone drive an Abarth a couple years ago and loved the sportiness of the car, the cornering ability, the compactness, the Italian design.

"Why don't you get one?" my friend said.

I'd told him that I would but decided to get by my midlife crisis caR instead. 

"The Abarth is faster," he said. "And those caRs were my bread and butter."


He was an import tuner back in the day. Think The Fast and the Furious.

Since I knew nothing about the Abarth 500, I couldn't refute his claim. How could I? But I was slow and curious. Or maybe my ego said, "Fuck dat shit. My caR is faster." Now, my caR isn't a drag car, wasn't built for speed like a Corvette, but it was engineered to be a streetable track car. And Honda accomplished it to the point of making that caR legendary. 

So I looked up quarter-mile times for both cars and found the Abarth 500 was about .2 seconds slower than mine, stock.

The quarter-mile times were attained by race car drivers, and I even have a video of a Japanese racer who attained faster times, making my caR .4 seconds faster. But since I ain't close to being a race car driver, why argue the point in the first place?

I'd met another know-it-all at a New Year's Eve party. He was bragging about how high his alcohol tolerance was, how much alcohol he can consume, and described that he once threw up pure alcohol (no food) after a college party. Fabulous. I don't drink much. I get the Asian glow. For those not in the know, I get beet red when I drink something like a Coors Light. Yes, I'm a cheap date.

So as I was munching on a blackened potsticker, he stated that there are carcinogens present when food is burnt. I said a little won't hurt. He shook his head at me and said it doesn't matter. It can cause cancer. Shut the fuck up! Here was a dude who talked like an alcoholic, drank like one, then barfed pure alcohol telling me I could get sick from a burnt potsticker. Cirrhosis anyone?

A former coworker of mine chastised me for being at the same job for almost ten years. Before my current employment, my longest job had lasted three years. So it would seem that I've plateaued (in the corporate world, yes). But the main reason I've stayed, as I explained to my good ole buddy pal, is the freedom to work in Hawaii, or anywhere else I choose. And it's a day job, meaning I earn a paycheck so I can pursue my passions. I don't look for fulfillment through that job. I suppose if I had, I'd do something different, but I don't so I won't. He was comparing himself to me because at the time he was working for Google. In the Bay Area, working for a big tech company like that is sorta like being cool. 

I guess I ain't cool.

Those who think they know it all have no way of finding out they don't. -Leo Buscaglia

I recently read/edited another writer's romance paranormal novel. Normally, I wouldn't because it's time consuming. But it was a way for me to use what I have learned from my writing coach and apply it to a piece of work other than mine. I applauded my friend for even completing a book. I've met a lot of writers that don't freakin' write. Say what? But as I was trying my best to communicate simply the issues that I had seen, she spent a lot of time defending her book. And rightly so. It's her freakin' baby!

I cautioned her to take any advice of mine with a grain of salt, but I wasn't sure she heard my criticisms. For example, I explained that the rules of a fantasy world that she created must be adhered to. Otherwise, the story falls apart. In Harry Potter, material things, like money and food, can't be created by magic. So when food shows up on the table in the Great Hall, it was the house elves who had actually prepared it before hand. Otherwise, the fact that Ron came from a poor wizarding family and Malfoy came from a wealthy one doesn't make sense.

At one point as I was explaining a storytelling concept, my friend was brushing her teeth.

Though, it was an electric toothbrush, and it was after midnight (we all have jobs), I suspected she wasn't completely paying attention. And that's OK because it isn't my book.

I'm always open to learning new things and having insights about writing and storytelling. I think with any subject matter, the road to learning never ends. But we have to be open to it.

When the student is ready, the teacher will come and sit on yo couch and drink yo liquor and lay some knowledge, yo. Dat's how's it be, yo.