AMWF vs WMAF

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The classic questions:

To be or not to be? 

What is the meaning of life

Does God exist?

Do you want fries with that? 

Which is more prevalent? Asian Male White Female couples or White Male Asian Female couples? 

I started my YouTube addiction when I began to ride my mechanical steedThere are endless videos that show motorcycle mishaps. I wanted to see the riders’ mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Those videos led me to babes on bikes, chics on bikes, babes and chics on bikes, which inevitably led to documentaries.

Recently, I had come across a forty-minute video from Natalie Tran, an Asian Aussie woman dating a pretty fly Aussie, for a white guy. She has a pretty big following on YouTube, and she received a lot of hateful comments due to her relationship with this white colonizer. I say colonizer with a heaping scoop of sarcasm and a sprinkling of yellow fever. Because as I was watching the documentary, I felt the anger from my younger days bubbling up. I remember talking with my fellow yellow brothahs on how white dudes were taking away our yellow sistahs. But we were no where near qualified to talk about a sensitive subject such as this, given our narrow point of view.

In Natalie's documentary, she speaks to several Asian professionals from a pick up artist to a matchmaker and a senior lecturer at the University of Sidney with a focus on Asian representation in the media. They all agree that Asian women tend to be desired as opposed to Asian males, who are not. The main factor behind both of these perspectives are the media. Asian women are hyper-sexualized. Asian males are shown as physically inferior (i.e. height challenged, meek), not engaging, nerdy, socially awkward.

The matchmaker has encountered women, even Asian women who would prefer not to date Asian men due to the above mentioned stereotypes. She's had to work extra hard to sell an Asian guy as a match, touting his many qualities that fall outside of the media fed image. When it came to selling a non-Asian male, the matchmaker didn't have to mention that he’s manly and does manly things. She realizes that the justification of Asian males is wrong, but it's become a reality of her job.

I'd recommend the video. I can't do it justice here. However, for me, the many conversations Natalie has is pretty engaging, but then I'm one of those undesirable Asian males. So I'm always open on how to grow—not height wise—and improve myself.

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After I was done watching, I noticed another video, a rebuttal to Natalie's film. This Asian fellow was particularly angry and honed in on how Asian males have a severe disadvantage versus other races. That white men have white privilege, so they automatically have an advantage. And his biggest point is that he sees way more Asian women dating white men than white women dating Asian men. Data through dating sites like OkCupid seems to support this.

So what can Asian men do to combat this beast of prejudice? Here's what I've discovered that not only will tame this beast but will make Asian males more desirable in the eyes of females all around the world and Venus. What you do is NOTHING.

Get out of town, Jimmy.

First of all, I don't live in a town, I live in a city. Second, I get out of the city all the time.

Let me drop some truth on y’alls. There's nothing to combat. If anything, the issue lies within the individual man. I don't care who you is, bruh, but if you wanna be attractive to da ladies, then you gotta love yourself. And not like that. Put the lotion away.

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What I mean is look in the mirror and get to know yourself. Your strengths. Weaknesses. Know your likes and things that make you go "Ew" like a valley girl. What are your core values? Are you a saver or a spender? Do you want a serious relationship, or do you just want friends with benefits? Being comfortable in your own skin will help dispel the power of your own weaknesses. In other words, they'll have little effect on you. Weaknesses don’t mean you’re weak. You may need to strengthen them if a situation calls for it.

And being open to yourself will also allow you to be vulnerable to women. That way when you talk to them, or anyone, you're not guarded. I tell women all the time that I'm a cheap date, that I attain the Asian glow drinking just one Coors Light. If a woman refuses to date me because of that, then we were never meant to be. She has no sense of humor. She may think my inability to hold my liquor is not manly. Therefore, I probably don't have the attributes she's looking for.

This leads me to another truth. Not everyone is gonna like you. Ya ain't gonna make everyone happy. If a woman doesn't want to date an Asian guy, then, as an Asian dude, why the fuck would you wanna date her? She's not worth your time.

Think of it this way. Would you want to spend time with someone who doesn't want to be your friend?

That's not to say that I didn't feel like low hanging fruit—yes, my fruit hangs low. For much of my younger years, I felt like I was inferior to other races of men. This is what I mean when I say the issue lies with the individual. I had this issue. No one planted it in me. So I decided to do something about it. I had to get out of my shell. I went out more, talked to different people, discovered that I had a pretty sick sense of humor, which I love. I slowly got to know me. Sure. There are things that I don’t like. But there’s a lot that I do.

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I decided to try an experiment. I switched my point of view and looked for Asian men dating non-Asian females. BLAM! My nephew had a black girlfriend, married her. I saw an old acquaintance of mine who had married a blonde. Saw a Chinese dude walk around in the gym with his Caucasian girlfriend. Actually, I don't know if he was Chinese or not. I can't tell the difference between the Asian races. AMWF couples were showing up everywhere. I was shocked.

So, instead of focusing on the issue that women don't like you for some strange reason, open your eyes to women who can handle your strangeness. From experience, going for what you want is way easier than being angry at the world.

There's one more point I want to hit on. Angry Asian harps on the fact that a lot of these Asian women only want to date white guys. He named several celebrities to prove his point. And their social media accounts show they all have white boyfriends. However, all of these women had railed against yellow fever, that they want to be seen and be wanted for who they are and not for what they look like. He then states that yellow fever doesn't really exist because guys don't care what race the girl is.

First of all Asian women can date whomever they want. Man, woman, dog, cactus. They are not obligated to date within their own race. Second, men do have their preferences. OkCupid and FaceBook had published a study that showed black women to have substantially fewer likes than other races of women. Third, Asian women can prefer white guys and still argue against yellow fever. Is it a double standard? Most certainly. But life is full of them. Notably slut-shaming. Society has taught women that it's bad for them to have many sexual partners. But it's fine if men do. I'm a dude. Even I think that's stupid. This brings me to my last point.

If you’re a woman and wanna sleep with someone and not be slut-shamed, then here's my contact page.

To live a happier life, remove the filter that the world hates you. Instead filter out people that don’t like you. It may feel like you're losing a lot of people, but you can't lose what you've never had in the first place.

Great Expectations

Some say a woman in her forties who is single is likely to have issues. Most of those people are men who aren't very bright. And not like a light bulb bright. There could be a billion reasons why a woman, or anyone, in their forties has never been married. Society's measure on what age marriage should take place is a farce. However, I respect that real things like the biological clock has to be considered. Unless the woman doesn't want children. Then hit me up. Joking. Hit me up. For real.

Last weekend I met a woman in her forties. We were talking about our lives, what we wanted, what we didn't. Then she asked an unanswerable question, "What do guys want in a woman?"

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I laughed. Partly because I'm one guy out of three and a half billion. But I gave her the obvious answer. "T and A."

"What's that?" She wasn't from this country, so she didn't know what that was.

"Tits and ass."

She smiled, but I could tell when looking at her eyes she wasn't satisfied with that answer or wanted a deeper answer. "Don't you think that a relationship can last longer and be happier if it's open? Or polyamorous?"

This was an interesting turn of questions because she went from asking what men want to what contributes to a happy relationship. In talking to her some more, I found out that she had broken off a 17-year relationship where she saw her boyfriend about four times a year. It was a long distant relationship.

Scratching my head, I said, "I think some people are hardwired to be open. And some people are hardwired to be monogamous. Being in an open relationship doesn't guarantee anything." And neither does being monogamous.

She thought for a moment. "What do you think makes a relationship long lasting?"

My answer was short and concise. The explanation of it would be difficult. Understanding it proved harder for her.

"Having no expectations," I answered.

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I used Valentine's Day as an example of expectations. Traditionally on this day women expect to be given gifts, taken out to expensive dinners, all to celebrate their love and relationship. We know this happens because data backs this up. Try getting a last minute dinner reservation on February 14th. Outside of fast food chains that doesn't take reservations, you'll likely have to chance it by waiting in a long line of sorrow, and/or receive a whippin' from your lady the next day. And don't even think about just giving flowers and chocolates. That's so passé.

Side note: a group of us were talking about wedding rings. One of us recommended a white sapphire, which sounded classy. I guess diamonds are passé. Someone chimed in and warned us men not to get something small. Size does matter. Does the size of the rock represents how much a man loves his woman? If so, good luck with your marriage.

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Going back to Valentine's Day. Sometimes our expectations aren't met, bearing disappointment. Maybe she didn’t get the gift she was expecting. Maybe he didn’t get that sexual favor he was hoping for. So that resentment can root into the relationship, grow uncontrollably, and all of the sudden explode into an argument about who does the dishes. Of course the issue with their relationship was never about the dishes. It was about the resentment of failed expectations.

The woman I was talking to nodded. She tapped her lip trying to digest what I had just said. "But when I date someone, I'm seeing if we have a future with him. If I'm in a relationship, I want him to be my husband. I want to have a map of where we're going."

This is where I think I failed. To paraphrase my response: There's nothing wrong with having a map. But as you're traveling through life, you don't know what you'll see. Even if you want a life together, you still have to focus on what's happening in the moment.

What I should have said was, "To build a building, you do it one brick at a time. To build a life together, you do it one moment at a time."

Since I couldn't answer what men want in women succinctly, I turned the question to her. "What do you want in a man?"

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Instantly she said, "I want a man who is loyal, honest and faithful. I want him to be my lover, to support my passions and to be my best friend." Basically, everything. I write this not to disparage her or anyone, man or woman, who wants this. But to expect everything from a single human being is romanticism (I'm substituting romanticism for the word crazy, but I don't want to offend anyone). I mean, not even the iPhone can provide everything.

Relationship and intimacy expert, Esther Perel, said that a village used to provide all the things that we now expect in a lover. So she advised that we get what we need from others. Expand your support system beyond your spouse or lover. Look to friends for conversation. Spend time with family to get grounded. Go to lectures or seminars to expand your mind. Then go back to your lover to expand your loins.

Part Two: Low Expectations...

Men's Intuition

Men’s Intuition. Is that an oxymoron like government intelligence? Trumpcare?

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Once upon a time, I had been a life coach to kids. There were two basic tenets that I followed. One: Listen to them. Whatever they told me, no matter how ridiculous, I would hear them out. The reason was simple. I don't have the ability to read minds. To help them deal with whatever they had been going through, I depended on them to tell me. And because I didn't judge them for what they had told me, they felt free to tell me anything without fear of repercussions.

Two: I used my intuition to try and read in between the lines. Be it through their word choice, body language, and what their parents had communicated to me.

Women have always been the ones credited with having intuition. Studies have shown that to be true. But I think the reasons as to why women can read people better than men is because they were allowed to feel and express their emotions, where men were taught/scolded to hide them.

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Hence, our communication problems between the sexes.

In saying that, all humans have the ability to read each other. Some are better than others, but still.

I went to a party and met this beautiful woman. I was my charming self, of course, which usually meant that people run for the hills because I'm pretty direct. Self-censoring has been an issue. Not for me. For other people. Because I don't censor much. She and I traded numbers. We went out to dinner. Once. Afterward I knew I didn't want to date her. Friends asked me how my interest had fallen so quickly. I didn't know why. Initially, I thought it was because I was afraid to start something up, having just broken off a relationship. I did try to come up with reasons, but they all sounded false to me. She and I hung out. Became friends. And it was through our time together that I figured out why I hadn't pursued anything further than just a friendship.

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Listing out those reasons aren't important here. What's important was that my intuition, this silent voice within me, had pretty much killed my hard on for this woman. I could have taken the blue pill to liven my serpent, but that was not the issue. There had been no issue. And my fear that I didn't want to start anything up so soon after a breakup sounded reasonable, but that wasn't the truth either.

Often times when I'm at the gym, I want to talk to a girl. Sometimes I hesitate, which pisses me off. Women want men to approach them. So when I don't, I feel like a wimp. So I thank my intuition when I see their boyfriend come up and give them a hug or a kiss. Now, I'm not saying that every time I hesitate, the girl has a boyfriend or would be bad for me. But we as humans, especially in a world where intuition isn't relied upon as much, need to trust and cultivate it.

We probably act against this innate wisdom more often than not. The question is how do we know the difference between that truth versus our irrational fear that stops us from living life?

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First, we need to stop beating ourselves up when we don't do what we wanna do, or forget something, or fail. Beating yourself down is one sure way of numbing your intuition. When a parent yells at their child enough times, the child will stop talking/communicating to them. So when we beat ourselves, we'll either stop listening to our intuition, or you'll quiet its silent voice. Sometimes, if not all the time, our hesitations, forgetfulness and failures happen for a reason. Learn from them. See if you can get past them. Failure is the greatest teacher. It tells us that the thing we tried doesn't work. Now we know.

Second, when (irrational) fear doesn't involve death, maybe we let go of the break and stomp on the gas pedal and don't run over anyone. If you're dating someone, and it doesn't work out, then take the time to learn from the experience. If you want to start your own business, and it doesn't work out, try and figure out why. What you'll find is the experience that you've accumulated while trying something out will help guide you in your next adventure, be it love or business. And that's the great thing about life. The experiences. People get on rollercoasters because of the ups and downs and the twists and turns. Not to reach the end of the ride. People watch scary movies because they want to be frightened. Not to reach the rolling credits. What makes life memorable is the craziness. But if we let our irrational fear stop us from doing anything worth while, then is life worth living?

Don't Be a Fuckin' Pussy

Don't be a fuckin' pussy. I told someone that the other day. In those exact words. After he deleted my sarcastic joke on a group chat. That's like telling me to shut up. So I told him don't be a fuckin' pussy. He took offense. But he didn't swear back, which I found strange.

He told me that he had deleted my comment because he didn't "want it to set her off." There were other women in the chat, but he made reference to one. I've also seen him interact with this particular woman, and it's pretty obvious he likes her. The issue is that this woman leans toward the masculine side. Not physically, she's very pretty. But she likes cars, guns, action movies and abhors girly things like chick flicks. And the guy who deleted my comment is not assertive. So...

Good luck buddy.

All of this sparked memories of me being a nice guy and how I often ended up with the short end of the stick. No, my stick ain't short. I'm not saying you have to be an asshole to get the girl, for example, because that will eventually blow up too. So what should a man be?

I have a friend who plays the nice guy when he goes on dates. What do I mean by play? Any true opinion he holds goes out the window for fear that he'll offend his date. So if she likes something, then he'll state he likes that as well whether that's true or not. He takes women on expensive first dates such as concerts, which is a bad idea because they won't connect through something I like to call, conversation. Or when trying to set up a date, he'll ask if they want to do this or go to that instead of just saying, "Let's do this. It sounds fun." He's playing nice in order to get at her. This becomes a balancing act because he represses his true self and acts out the nice guy.

But if the woman likes him, he'll continue walking the tight rope of truth and fiction, trying to figure out what part of him she likes. Unfortunately, second dates for him are like taking a picture of the mythical unicorn.

The truth of the matter is that he is an interesting person. He's like a diamond in that he has a lot of facets to his life, but muddies them up with his insecurities to the point that others can't see them. From the outside he looks and acts awkward.

Now, I ain't no dating coach. But I do know this. Being yourself is the easiest thing to be. You don't gotta be fake. It takes a lot of work to be fake. Not only do you have to suppress your real self but you have to create a fake personality to portray. When you're yourself, all your hang ups go out the window because you aren't thinking about them. You don't have to look cool, or be cool, or act as if you're cool. You're real. So if a woman likes him, then he'll know that she likes him for him.

However, if someone doesn't like you for you, then you know they ain't gonna be a good friend to ya. Because if they liked the fake you and saw the real you, then "Drama!"

I've had people not like me for various reasons. And I don't give a shit. I can't. To try and patch the holes of my inefficiencies by their standards is like trying to stop a broken dam. That ain't gonna happen. I'm too busy for that shit.

Also know that if someone doesn't like you, the issues lies within them. Some woman had professed her hatred for me. Apparently, I was too vulgar. I couldn't stop laughing when my friend told me that. I'm comfortable in my skin. Not all the time. I'm only human. But generally I'm pretty comfortable talking about anything. This woman who hates me may not be. Her insecurities may flare up with my...ahem...honesty. Or maybe she was taught to be a good girl. So whenever she's confronted with anything that may poke holes in that facade, then her automatic response is to shun it.

Pretense is very hard to shed. For some people they've lived with this facade throughout their whole lives. Habits are difficult to break. Ask any woman not to wear makeup for a week and see if they'll do it. Highly unlikely. Like chipping away at a concrete wall, breaking a habit will take time. Shit. I'm still working at it. But I do it because I like who I am. I do it for me.

Answering the Question: Am I A Man?

I'm not a man. Because I'm afraid of heights. Because I wear both the panties and dress in a relationship. So, I want to come out of the closet and tell the world I'm not a man.

What does it mean to be a man?

That's a hard question to answer. And one I try to in my book.

When I first envisioned my main character, I wanted all the hallmarks of what America thought a man was, or at least from what I could gather...

He has to be white. Having blonde hair is a plus. He can fight, a warrior, so long hair is on the ingredients list. And he's a master with a pair of broadswords. Skinny swords? Hell no. Those are for sissies! And he has to be a captain of industry. In this case, he commands a Legion of warriors. Not just any Legion. The largest and most powerful.

Of course, no man is complete without having sewn fields of women. Endless fields. Like countless. Like seven...

But there comes a time when any real man with manly qualities must take a wife. Yes, take. Not only did he take from another suitor, he charmed her with his charming charm. Is there any other way? And what a beauty. To say she is hot is like saying the sun is bright. A quarter doesn't bounce off her ass because quarters don't exist in my novel's world. But if they did, it would't stop bouncing. In fact it'd bounce higher and higher. That is how fit his wife’s ass is.

Now their children can't be anything less than ultimate perfection. Both son and daughter are beautiful and strong warriors, well educated, and have wisdom that extends beyond time and space.

All right. I went a tad overboard here. But what would happen if I took away these things one by one. Would my character be less and less of a man?

How you answer that question will say a lot about yourself, man or woman. Because I can take away everything on that list, and I do in my book, and my character would still be a man. No, I'm not talking biologically. But nothing from the above list makes any person a man.

Think of it this way. There are two guys. One owns a Porsche 911 R, which starts at $184,900. The other drives a Walmart 18-speed bike, which costs $79...$87 with tax. I bought one. Who's more of a man?

This is a question that's impossible to answer. First off, material wealth doesn't determine manliness. Second, we as a society can't pin down what a man is versus what a man isn't. Even men have a hard time defining what a man is. So they buy more and more stuff, big stuff, fast stuff, stuff that says, "See this big, fast, brightly colored thing? I own it. Well, 1% of it while I owe the bank the next five years of my life. But, hey, I'm a man!"

Or we do crazier and crazier things in order to prove ourselves. Or deny doing things because it's not manly. "Crying? What's that? Some sort of hand-to-hand combat to the death?" "Read? No. I don't read. Only nerds and geeks read." "Chick flick? Not really into throwing little yellow birds."

However, my definition of a man is pretty simple. It's knowing thyself.

Fuck you! What the fuck does knowing thyself mean?

Part of being a confident person is knowing your strengths, your weaknesses, what you like, what you don't like. It's having the gumption to be fine with your weaknesses and not judging yourself for not liking certain things such as sports. I don't like watching sports. That ain't my thang. Math isn't a strong suit of mine, despite being Asian. I don't go around solving string theory equations or force myself to be a sports fanatic in order to become more manly. That would be a waste of my time.

Now back to my acquaintance who basically said I'm not a man, and I wear dresses.

I had become friends with a woman on a group trip to Zion, Utah. Afterward, I called her for a date, and she said yes. Having gone on two dates, I was trying to set up a third when she told me she was going to go to the store. So I told her to call me back. An hour crawled by. A second hour oozed into the night. So I texted her if she was back. An hour weaved its way through a labyrinth of endless thoughts in my head. And I went to sleep. The next morning, she texted back and apologized. I asked what had happened. Not where the fuck did you go, bitch? That wouldn't be manly, in my opinion. She texted, "Had an emergency with my madre."

She'd never mixed Spanish like that when we talked. So either this turned out not to be an emergency. Or she might have been playing some game. I don't play games in dating. It's just not my style. I'm upfront. I'm an In Your Face Motherfucker kinda dude. So I decided to not text back and to never talk to her again.

A couple years later, some guy I know told me that he had dated her for a few months. I asked him why it didn't work out. He gave me no details except that they had clashed. Later through our conversation I found out they had talked about me. Were they that bored, having nothing else in the world to talk about? He revealed that this woman had never liked me because I'm weird. And he agreed with that assessment. Had she and I gone on a blind date, I would understand why me being weird would be a turnoff. But we spent a week together in Utah. The fact that I'm weird wouldn't escape a sleeping sloth high on cocaine with two heroine needles stuck in each arm after binge drinking Everclear. If her intuition didn't pick up the signal that I was weird, then good luck in life, girl.

A part of me thought that she was a dinner collector. A woman who goes on dates just to eat. But on our second date, she ordered only an appetizer, the entrees had been a bit pricy. That's not dinner collector behavior.

Then the guy said, "You didn't even go all they way up..." and stopped himself.

I know there's a chain. Lemme alone

I know there's a chain. Lemme alone

One of the hikes in Zion ended at a place called Angels Landing. It's a trail that averages about 3-4 feet wide, I was told, and rises 2,000 feet above sea level. I'm afraid of heights. I told the group that when we had gone on this hike. Having a choice of falling off to my left or right to certain death wasn't something I relished. So I decided to wait, while they finished, and had a good conversation with the woman I would be going on the dates with. Obviously she told him I hadn't gone up onto Angels Landing. And the fact that he harped on that meant he thought I wasn't a man because he followed up by stating that my ex wore the pants in my last relationship. He witnessed all of three minutes of it because she didn't like hanging out with him. So I'm not sure what he saw, but he never told me the reason for his assessment of me.

This from a guy who had told me that he could do way better than his ex-girlfriend and broke up with her. Then he tried to get back with her only to find out that she had moved on with another guy. He then educated me by saying Asian women are like a five out of ten, but white women are like a fifteen. Apparently math is not his strong suit either. And if he ranks Asian women lower than whites, then why do I see him date Asian women? Does that speak more to his own self image?

Men Are Idiots

Why are Superman and Batman standing behind her?

Why are Superman and Batman standing behind her?

My friends know that there's little that I won't say out loud. Some tell me I have no filter. That's not true. I do have a filter. It just has big holes and is made of rubber. Sometimes the rubber stretches and the holes are big, so I'll say pretty much whatever I want, and swear like a hard up sailor. Sometimes the rubber constricts, and the holes are small, and less callous things leave my mouth, like a priest. Actually, I'd swear as a priest too.

The Internet provides a lot of anonymity where people's filters are completely removed and they'll say the most hateful things.

On Facebook the other day, I saw a guy post a picture of a blonde sitting down at some establishment leaning over her laptop. He stated to womankind that they should take better care of themselves. He was referring specifically to her feet. She was wearing flats, and her heals were dry and cracked. I couldn't tell from the picture. He said women should regularly use a foot file and apply shea butter and feet that are as soft and smooth as a baby's butt is just as sexy as a beautiful smile. I wasn't sure if sexy referred to the feet or the baby's butt. One is a fetish, the other is against the law.

There's enough misogyny in this country alone to spread the world over again and again and, sadly, again. Trump anyone?

I'm a leg and butt guy. Cannot get enough. I spend a lot of time down there. A. Lot. Aw, yeah. Ooh, baby...Sorry. Where was I?

I've never told any of my past girlfriends that they had to go workout to firm up their cellulite.

Jimmy, you don't firm up cellulite. Right! Forgot.

If my exes wanted to workout, then they did it on their own volition. I did not own their bodies. I just enjoyed them.

If it wasn't for the kindness of others, I'd still be a virgin.

I think what got me in the gullet was that Footsy had the audacity to take a picture of this woman from behind (!), whom he didn't know, and posted the picture on Facebook unbeknownst to her, and told womankind to take better care of themselves.

Motherfucker, you don't have the sack'o'balls to ask a woman out, let alone tell this woman to her face to take better care of her feet (He's an acquaintance of mine).

Just the daily regiment women go through to get ready is beyond my comprehension. But they do it.

So I decided to post: If she offered to suck your dick, you wouldn't let her?

Not only did he not respond, but he deleted my post.

What a coward.

I've always said this: Men are idiots. I include myself...cuz I be Man...ugh...argh!

Many of my female friends are dating, and some have actually found cool guys. How rare. But they had to fight through a melee of sheer stupidity that is called malekind. Some are still battling idiocy. Dating is hard enough with two cool people. Or three. I don't judge. But add in my kinds' chauvinistic and entitlement lunacy, and I feel sorry for women. But they trudge on.

Which leads me to this: Women are tougher than men. Because I've seen a lot of men buckle under less pressure.

Women have to deal with inequality/harassment in the workplace.

They're gawked and groped at by assholes like Footsy.

They give birth to men out of their vaginas, and some of those men end up beating women, becoming pussies.

Many work, come home and care for it, care for the kids, and deal with the bullshit that we shell out.

Still—they trudge on.

Men...would have shot each other. 

Mind of a Writer

"I always knew that I was..."—my friend gestured above his head—"on a higher level than my ex."

I nodded. Though, I did not agree. But what do I tell the guy? "Naw, bruh. Dat shiet is whack, yo.  She a person. You a person. Das it. Ya feel me, bruh?"

Translation: All humans are created equal.

What do I mean by that?

Well, when a CEO walks down the hallway of any building and sees a janitor mopping the floor, the CEO may think she's above him. Now, if we're talking the business world where imaginary things like corporate ladders matter, then sure. The Tooth Fairy is also an imaginary thing. As are ghosts. Vampires. And soul mates.

But when a human is born, her value is no more than a human that's been on the Earth for 80 years because we all need to breath air, eat food, drink water, shit, pee, and sleep. A person can literally have all the money in the world, but he will someday leave his dead human body and all his shit and move on to whatever is next. This is the fate of all humans. For some, that time comes sooner than later.

That doesn't mean that people can't be better at somethings than others. Some are taller, some are richer, some might even be faster.

Now, of course my friend wasn't talking about human equality. He's a dude. And dudes are visual creatures. That's why we like to watch porn. Whereas women are mental creatures. And...I don't mean mental as in crazy. Mmm...OK. They're insane but that's not the point. They get turned on by reading porn. That's why romance novels claim at least 50% of the money spent on fiction. Women devour them up like starved vampires sucking on fresh virgin blood.

My pal had referred to his ex's looks. I'd hung out with her many times. She treated him really well. So for some reason it saddened me that he would say something like that about her. Which prompted 'We're all equal motherfucker!' thought in my head.

I've also heard my female friends say that they're way out of some poor soul's league. But more often than not, they mean personality wise. And this is where men, including me, get tripped up.

We're thinking, 'Bitch! I know shiet. I's gots me some knowledge. I ain't no dummy. That's three qualities right there, baby!'

But that's not what women mean. Remember how I said that women be hella crazy? I didn't say hella? I should have. They're nuts. Their minds are all over the place, in different dimensions, in imaginary worlds, in places that the toughest man would be like, "Oh, hell no! I'm getting the fuck outta here."

I'll be eating dinner with my girlfriend. We're having a deep conversation about life. This is what's going through her mind: Does he love me? Is my lip gloss good? I'll reapply after dinner. Why is he so argumentative? Is he going to be like that when we get married? When should I bring that up? Cuz last time I did that he ignored me. I don't like being ignored. My cat ignores me. He's so cute. And chubby. Wonder how my bff is doing? Why hasn't she texted? I texted her a minute ago. Hmm...my hair, why won't it grow faster? Are we still talking about life? What about our life? And will he eat my cat? Cuz he jokes about making him into a stew. He better not. That would piss me off. Gawd, I'm full. Ooh. Time for dessert. I'm fat! No I'm not. Fatso! Stop it! I wanna check my phone, but he hates that. Eh...he won't mind.

And that's within one second.

Women want someone who can handle them. And handle them like a man. They want that man to take control. Not like rape. But women want men to make decisions on what to do this weekend, where to eat, have their own opinions and passions, initiate sex. I get that.

But when a man tries to display his dick, both literally and figuratively, it ain't sexy. When I write at Starbucks, sometimes an older gentleman comes in and orders a tall coffee, a pastry, and sits at a table. He places a napkin on the table. On it he gently lays his Porsche key on its side, so people can see the Porsche symbol displayed like a billboard and will know that this man who is eating his pastry and drinking his tall coffee owns an expensive automobile manufactured by Porsche.

That, gentlemen, is how you show how small your dick is.

How did I get from human equality to showing your dick? Hell if I know.