Are You A Bore?

Has a stranger ever told you to shut up and eat?

Well that happened to me and this is how I felt:

In San Francisco Chinatown, my fellow yellow peeps celebrated the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival. A group of us went to dinner to celebrate, then headed out to the bay to observe the full moon. There were two large tables with twelve people each. I sat at the table where I didn't know most of the peeps and introduced myself.

Now, I find humor in everything. I'm not sure why, but I think it helps keep away the dark thoughts that tend to creep in. And it makes life a little more fun. Shouldn't that be 'funner'? No, dammit! Whoa. Issues.

There were three ladies sitting to my right, and I was cracking jokes all night. For example, one woman introduced herself to me, but I couldn't understand her Korean name. She said it sounded like Honey. So all night, I called her Honey as if we were in a relationship.

"Would you like more rice, Honey?" I asked. She laughed with her hand covering her mouth. Why do Asian women do that?

One of the dishes we ordered was Peking Duck. If you're not familiar, it's a duck that's been baked until the skin is golden brown, crispy, but still juicy. The waiter cut the skin off in small pieces so they could be placed in sweet bread that is lathered with sweet bean sauce and eaten like a slider. The waiter then took the rest of duck away.

This rook rike a flowah

"Did he just take the meat away?" I asked. "Did we just pay for the skin?"

People laughed, so I went with it, despite being actually concerned that the waiter took the meat away.

"They're going to make another dish out of it," someone quipped.

"So do we have to pay for two dishes?"

People laughed again.

"Where's the meat?" I kept saying because they weren't bringing the duck back. "Where's the freakin' meat?"

Then the guy sitting across from me said, "Shut up and eat!"

Everyone was like:

Chirp chirp

It took a few minutes before my ego sat back down, and I became myself again. I resumed joking and being sarcastic with the three ladies, and any need to verbally attack this guy had left. 

But..I'm a writer, and this is my site, so I'm gonna go third grade on his ass:

This fat turd is a fucktard, and he's missing a neck. His shoulders are tighter than a Church girl's twat. Like a dog peeing around his property, he put his arm around his wife when I looked at her. Seriously? Your penis must be tiny. She had chuckled at my jokes, holding back her laugh. For some reason she was scared to let go. Her baggy eyes seemed to contain fear. She's probably scared to be flattened by him. Why would she stay with a fucktard like that?

Keep in mind this is an abridged version.

Now, I know that was incredibly immature, hence third grade disclaimer. We as human beings have different facets to our personalies (good excuse, Jimmy). And I'll admit that I'm loud, but life is too short to take it so seriously. Look at Robin Williams. In every single interview, including the one he did with Charlie Rose, he was joking, improvising, going off-the-wall. He had his serious moments, of course. He was incredibly intellectual, but we knew him as someone with the comic genius equivalent to Nobel Prize winners, people he truly admired.

Even the three ladies sitting next to me threw jokes around, laughed out loud, and enjoyed the humor the four of us were in the midst in. And Asian women aren't known for their humor. The only one that comes to mind is Margaret Cho.

The guy who told me to shut up talked about business, work, and shit that was just fucking boring. It's the goddam weekend. Why do you wanna talk about work? And was he that insecure that he had to put his arm around his wife? I know from experience women hate that. They ain't property. 

People need to live their truths. What the hell does that mean? If you've seen Margaret Cho's stand up, she's brutally honest, especially about herself. She often makes fun of Asians, is open about her sexuality and her downfalls, and continues to express her views whether they're popular or not. So many people fall in line with societal norms that they forget to just enjoy life.

Are socially accepted norms that much fun that people wanna be caged by them?


I Don't Date Asian Guys

A friend of mine accused me of being racist. Now, old school Asians tend to be racist. And in some ways, when I look at someone I do assume certain things by their actions and by what they look like, but I don't hate on them. What my friend was talking about was me being racist against my own people. Did he mean humans?

I say Herro a lot. I also look at drivers when they make driving mistakes. I slap my forehead when he's an Asian, and sigh when she's an Asian woman. A part of me is tired of comedians relying on the old stand by that Asian men have small peepees and that we own laundromats. There's no creativity when comedians say the same thing over and over. It gets boring. Though, I've yet to see a laundromat owned by a non-Asian. Hmm.

In saying this, I don't go on missions or write articles or protest against Asian stereotypes. 

In the above video, one of the women hates it when she's told to get over the Asian stereotypes. The others agree with her. How could they not? One of the bloggers is called Angry Asian Man!

However, I am one of those who would say to get over it. Guess she and I will never go on a date.

I laugh at Asian stereotypes because I do think they're ridiculous and funny. I'm not bothered by any of it, so I put little thought into any of it being true. That includes body parts, ladies. Wink, wink. Don't judge me by my small hands!

By railing against Asian stereotypes, power is given to it, perpetuating the stereotypes themselves. So in a way, the people in the first video are helping people who actually hate Asians pass along this ridiculousness.

The cool thing is that the first video came from an Asian female comedian, Jenny Yang, who I saw live in Oakland, and she makes fun of these stereotypes. But it was kinda sad to see her in that first vid because the Asians there seemed to take themselves a bit too seriously. Given their successful blogs, I guess there are a lot of upset slanty-eyed people.

Do you know slanty isn't even a word? Look it up. Well, you can't cuz it don't be exististin'. So why get upset about a word that doesn't even hold a place in the Engrish dictionary. And yes, I did type Engrish.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent -Eleanor Roosevelt

Words don't hurt. Sticks and stones, on the other hand, can break bones.

There is so much power in laughter. I think that's why I am the way I am. I laugh at a lot of things that maybe shouldn't be laughed at. I take very little seriously, including myself. But when it comes to my writing, I put my heart and soul into it: love. But that's another subject matter.

I do take my work seriously and the way to do that is not to take yourself too seriously -Alan Rickman

Why So Serious?

“Here...fix my watch. Your kind made it,” a bully had said, shoving his Casio watch at me. Thank tha lawd this wasn’t a recent event because sometimes my big mouth writes checks I can’t cash. This occurred during my junior high years. Obviously, what the bully said was racist.

Somthing's In My Ear
Somthing's In My Ear

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." – Buddha

A friend of mine watched The Wolf of Wallstreet, starring Leonardo Dicaprio, directed by Martin Scorsese. My friend said it was racist because one of the characters was named Chester Ming “The Depraved Chinaman".

Are you fucking kidding me?

My sensitive friend was serious. I stated that maybe in real life that was Ming’s nickname, and given how the movie ended, Scorsese wasn’t going to make the PC choice and rid him of his moniker. Shit. None of Scorsese’s movies are PC.

"Only if we are secure in our beliefs can we see the comical side of the universe." – Flannery O'Connor

“Learn to laugh at yourself,” I stated.

He argued that I hate my own culture because I mock Chinese accents, often greeting people with “Herro”.

“How important is your culture to you, buddy?” I asked. He rambled on with no clear answer.

“I know more Chinese than you do,” I said.

“And that’s the real shame,” he admitted.

When people spout about how important culture is, I usually never cry out against it. But I will analyze their lives and see how important it is; my friend talks the talk, but doesn’t walk the walk. He doesn't speak a lick of Chinese. 

It’s like anything in life. If it’s important, you’ll do something about it.

Why Are We All Bald
Why Are We All Bald

When my niece gave birth to her daughter, she had read books, blogs, articles on how to raise children, researched the potential causes of autism, and began cooking every meal so she could control what her daughter ate. Diet was a strong suspect as the cause of autism due to the chemicals in processed foods.

My serious pal, however, stood his ground, assumed I hated my own kind, and we moved our conversation topic to women.

“If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” – Marilyn Monroe

Harry vs Neo

I saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. And with the slew of good to raving reviews that are out there, I’m not going to add to it.  Now, for you Potter fans, I’m not here to say how good or bad it is.  I love stories and always ask myself why I like certain stories in comparison to why I don’t. I liked this one, based on Harry’s sixth year at Hogwarts.

J.K. Rowling has said in many interviews that the books would get darker, and this one, with the death of a main character, is definitely dark.

One other series I’ve been obsessed with are the Matrix movies.  The first one was a sleeper hit.  Every one loved it, critics and fans.  But once the sequels hit theaters, despite its financial success, not many really liked them.

And I think I know why.

With both Potter and Matrix sequels going toward dark, why did one do and feel well, while the other just felt monotone?


The sixth movie had enough humor to bring the laughs all the way up to the climax.  The climax was the darkest part of the whole movie, so the laughs ended.  Makes sense.

Matrix had humor and sarcasm.  There were also different types of characters. One wished they didn’t take the red pill, another would pimp out a virtual girl, then there was one guy half black, half Asian who was enthusiastic, etc.  Those characters contrasted the war that was going on.

With both the Matrix sequels, there was no humor at all, no characters with color.  That’s why to me it felt monotone.  People will say that Neo and his crew were fighting a losing war.  But Harry and crew are fighting what seems to be a losing war, too.


Now the question becomes why laughs are needed in a dark movie?

I was talking to a coworker who is an avid churchgoer.  We were talking about perspectives on life, and I asked him what he thought about the world.  His response was this is a fallen world.  Then I told him mine, which of course is prettyPollyanish.

He countered with, “Then why is there so much suffering in this world?”

I imagined him and his choir of religious heathens eating this fallen view of the world and answered, “Because in order to have light, you must have dark.”

I personally don’t like it but understand the philosophical side.

In story, humor is not just a good release of tension.  It also contrasts the dark, making the dark darker when the dark comes.  As the story works toward its dark climax, we feel even darker as the dark falls upon us.  Which is the exact purpose of the sixth Potter movie.