Men's Intuition

Men’s Intuition. Is that an oxymoron like government intelligence? Trumpcare?

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Once upon a time, I had been a life coach to kids. There were two basic tenets that I followed. One: Listen to them. Whatever they told me, no matter how ridiculous, I would hear them out. The reason was simple. I don't have the ability to read minds. To help them deal with whatever they had been going through, I depended on them to tell me. And because I didn't judge them for what they had told me, they felt free to tell me anything without fear of repercussions.

Two: I used my intuition to try and read in between the lines. Be it through their word choice, body language, and what their parents had communicated to me.

Women have always been the ones credited with having intuition. Studies have shown that to be true. But I think the reasons as to why women can read people better than men is because they were allowed to feel and express their emotions, where men were taught/scolded to hide them.

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Hence, our communication problems between the sexes.

In saying that, all humans have the ability to read each other. Some are better than others, but still.

I went to a party and met this beautiful woman. I was my charming self, of course, which usually meant that people run for the hills because I'm pretty direct. Self-censoring has been an issue. Not for me. For other people. Because I don't censor much. She and I traded numbers. We went out to dinner. Once. Afterward I knew I didn't want to date her. Friends asked me how my interest had fallen so quickly. I didn't know why. Initially, I thought it was because I was afraid to start something up, having just broken off a relationship. I did try to come up with reasons, but they all sounded false to me. She and I hung out. Became friends. And it was through our time together that I figured out why I hadn't pursued anything further than just a friendship.

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Listing out those reasons aren't important here. What's important was that my intuition, this silent voice within me, had pretty much killed my hard on for this woman. I could have taken the blue pill to liven my serpent, but that was not the issue. There had been no issue. And my fear that I didn't want to start anything up so soon after a breakup sounded reasonable, but that wasn't the truth either.

Often times when I'm at the gym, I want to talk to a girl. Sometimes I hesitate, which pisses me off. Women want men to approach them. So when I don't, I feel like a wimp. So I thank my intuition when I see their boyfriend come up and give them a hug or a kiss. Now, I'm not saying that every time I hesitate, the girl has a boyfriend or would be bad for me. But we as humans, especially in a world where intuition isn't relied upon as much, need to trust and cultivate it.

We probably act against this innate wisdom more often than not. The question is how do we know the difference between that truth versus our irrational fear that stops us from living life?

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First, we need to stop beating ourselves up when we don't do what we wanna do, or forget something, or fail. Beating yourself down is one sure way of numbing your intuition. When a parent yells at their child enough times, the child will stop talking/communicating to them. So when we beat ourselves, we'll either stop listening to our intuition, or you'll quiet its silent voice. Sometimes, if not all the time, our hesitations, forgetfulness and failures happen for a reason. Learn from them. See if you can get past them. Failure is the greatest teacher. It tells us that the thing we tried doesn't work. Now we know.

Second, when (irrational) fear doesn't involve death, maybe we let go of the break and stomp on the gas pedal and don't run over anyone. If you're dating someone, and it doesn't work out, then take the time to learn from the experience. If you want to start your own business, and it doesn't work out, try and figure out why. What you'll find is the experience that you've accumulated while trying something out will help guide you in your next adventure, be it love or business. And that's the great thing about life. The experiences. People get on rollercoasters because of the ups and downs and the twists and turns. Not to reach the end of the ride. People watch scary movies because they want to be frightened. Not to reach the rolling credits. What makes life memorable is the craziness. But if we let our irrational fear stop us from doing anything worth while, then is life worth living?

How Would Bond Handle Gold Digger?

I have an office wife. Where we can’t sleep with anyone at the office, while we’re at the office, but once work is done, then we’re divorced and free to sleep with whomever we want. OK. We don’t sleep with each other either, but that’s because it would be un-businesslike to do so at the office. There are no beds.

So what are the benefits of being her office husband, aside from having a sexless marriage (Aren’t all marriages sexless? Joking.)? 

We get to say inappropriate things to each other, but even better, ask for each other’s advice. My office wife is incredibly intuitive, so I tend to trust her advice, though, I don’t follow some of it. Maybe a lot of it. And it doesn’t have anything to do with her as much as a lot of her advice carries her own limitations that don’t apply to me. Fine, it is her.

For example, one of the last girls I had taken on a couple of dates blew me off, never returned my phone call. And that’s cool, but at the time I was upset, so I vented to my office wife. She suggested that I call that girl again, state that what she did was rude, and at least attempt to find out what happened. I was on the fence in regards to calling her a second time after she blew me off.

After work, I went to the gym and I received an insight: Don’t call her. There was no judgment like she’s not worth your time, though, I did feel that I should avoid her at all costs when I first met her. But I ignored myself. Surprising enough, that insight I received at the gym was calming. Panic didn’t invade my chest, bashing my mind with thoughts of giving up so easily, or she’s hot, you can’t let her go, or sex would be good with this woman, or we had a connection, don’t lose it, or she’s hot! She was hot.

So I told my office wife that I wasn’t going to call her. She then went on and on about how I need closure by talking to her, finding out what happened, telling her that was rude, and blah blah blah. But I knew calling her wouldn’t do anything for me, that no matter what that girl said the truth was we were not a match. That girl did apologize through text, but that did nothing for me. I had to find my own closure. And it came pretty quickly because I let her go.

However, my office wife never wavered from her position that I needed to call. And that comes from the fact that she can’t get closure by just letting things go. That she needs some sort of end. 

She also had some curt opinions about the girl I’m dating now. She feels that my girl is manipulative (Aren’t all women? Joking.). That my girl is looking for a paycheck. I argued that she wasn’t and was about to give specific examples where my girl’s actions spoke louder than words: She often offers to pay for dinner, she’s paid for a July 4th event that we went to, she always thanked me for taking her out. But before I could come to her defense, my office wife interrupted me, stating my girl is looking for a paycheck, that something is not right about her. Honestly, something isn’t right about all humans, but then we’re all human. She wouldn’t give me a word in edgewise (Her closure issue?).

So I kept quiet because something within me told me my office wife was wrong.

Of course, I’m human, so doubt slowly seeped into my mind. And then something happened. My girl’s rent increased, making it unaffordable for her. I offered to help with the rent, just a little bit, until she got a better job. I tried hard, telling her she didn’t have to pay me back, that that was what couples do, support each other, and spent the next hour or so trying to convince her to take my freakin’ goddamn money. She wouldn’t. Good for her.

Moral of the story, trust your own intuition. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth is peaceful. Always it comes from inside you.

 

Tough, Rugged Manly Intuition For Tough, Rugged Manly Men

An underpinning of my novel is trusting your intuition that speaks to us from within. My main character’s wife comes from a family who has developed something called Resonance of the Soul, a way to access innate wisdom that we all have by listening to the silence. Now, I don’t mention a divine entity nor a lack of one because part of the foundation of my book is that we are complete as a people. Our soul, or whatever makes us human, or takes us a level higher than the animals (maybe), is all we need in regards to wisdom and happiness.

In life, so it is in art –author of Nightfall, sole contributor to 7thProvince.com

I trust my intuition, but sometimes I get it confused with my own ego. Other times I get it confused with my own fear. Occasionally, I confuse it with my own lust. More often than not, I don’t even hear that inner voice that knows it all. But at least I listen. Part of learning to trust it is acknowledging when my intuition is right.

And the opportunities came! With two women. Hahaha!

One woman had antagonized me many times on a hike and during a dinner. When I first met her, I had walked away, dropped her like it's hawt, because I had no interest in her. There was no evidence to support my disinterest, like who she was as a person, but I felt it enough inside to just split. Since then, she has not been kind to me. Though, in my mind, that didn’t support my intuition’s wisdom, that is was correct, because maybe she’s frothy as a woman. So when I ran into her while I was meeting up with some friends, I decided to be nice and asked her if she had any interests or hobbies.

“No,” she said, shaking her head.

"Do you read?"

She chuckled. "Nope." 

“Knitting? Movies? Theater? How about the outdoors?” I prodded.

“Nope. I just work, eat, and sleep.”

Yeah. I was right not to have an interest in her. In her defense, she does have a boyfriend. But I don’t hang out with him, even though he’s nice. He’s also a bit boring. But that’s just my opinion.

I was attracted to the second woman when I met her. We seemed to have a good connection, she seemed intelligent, so I asked her out. During an email exchange, she had gone off on a rant when we were trying to set up our first date. Her rant was more than enough for me to say fuck off, and that date never happened. Many of my friends, especially male friends who were hard-up, said I was in the wrong and should have apologized. I never did.

So over the past weekend, I was talking to a friend of mine who is also friends with this woman. And she went off on him because he wasn’t able to give her a ride to a hospital appointment. She doesn't have a car. 

My friend lives more than an hour away from her place of home. The fact that she had to call him (Was there no one closer?) indicates how many friends she may have.

I was happy to hear she went off on him because it helped vindicate me (in my mind) that my intuition was correct, and all of my hard-up friends were fucking wrong.

Too often we as a species don’t acknowledge our intuition. Too often we are chastised when we do. Many cults attribute this voice to God. And maybe it is God. But maybe it is our soul, which can be sole pieces of a larger entity. But I’m not here to argue for or against a divinity. I am here to suggest that our inner voice, maybe our soul, has more wisdom than we give it credit. And if we step aside and listen, maybe we can navigate this thing called life with more peace and happiness, like avoiding bitches that could wreak hell and havoc and mayhem in your life, for example.

 

Jimmy's Got a Gun

Tis the season for agent hunting. I gots me a gun and am trudging through the vast wilderness that is the Internet, stalking agents like a jealous boyfriend. Dat don't sound right. Part of the process is reading interviews that agents sometimes do, as it may reveal something that could help me make a connection through my query letter. One agent had this to say, "You're writing not to get published. You're writing because you love the act of doing so, and you cannot imagine doing anything else." I love that.

I Have a Headache

I Have a Headache

I've heard people describe writing as an incredibly solitary act. Tell that to the voices in my head. If we as writers want to get published, or somehow get our work out there, then we need people. And to lure them into our trap, we need to do some research on how to write a query letter, how to write a synopsis, even how to write a book. Shocking!

I've also heard that writing the book is the easiest part of publishing. I've already gone through a round of rejections about four years ago, so have some idea of the difficulty. And most people don't even know that getting an agent is the first of many steps before a book is even released into the wild.

And every time I visit my brother, he asks me: What's my plan. My response never changes; I shrug my shoulders.

Career Planning

Career Planning

Like so many things in life, hunting in the wild takes a lot of patience, following your intuition, and preparation. If I run into the plains of Africa with my gun, I'll most likely scare away my prey. If I run into those same plains without being prepared, I'll get eaten alive. And if I rely solely on my instruments, then I may blind myself to the real prize.

A friend of mine didn't do any research or get any feedback on her query letter before sending it out. She received her first rejection and sent it to me, and it was obvious why she had been rejected. The premise of her story, as she had  presented it, was cliché, an innocent young woman meets a mysterious man. She didn't give away the hook; for example, the lurking overbearing vampire (Twilight), or sex addict deviant (50 Shades of Grey). I've not read my friend's book, she may be afraid of my honest feedback and it may not help in the end, but she relied on her "intuition" alone to write both her book and query letter. 

It just doesn't work that way.

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I don't care how wise a person is, I ain't lettin' anyone perform open heart surgery on me unless they know what they're doin'. But that doesn't mean that the most qualified doctor has all the answers. Many alternative and new treatments are being worked on every day. So doing at least some research is always a good idea, take in what you learn, then let that inner part of you create, or help make your choice. 

And this is the hardest part of all, I think. It's trusting that somehow everything will work out, something that my brother doesn't understand.

A couple weeks ago, I went to a party at some remote place where the bus only showed up once an hour. I use public transportation as much as possible. But by the time I realized the last bus back had left, I was having too much fun, I was stuck without a ride back to BART.

I didn't consciously say everything will work out, but I tend to live my life this way. After walking around the hotel where the party was held, I found an hourly shuttle that went to the San Francisco Airport, a BART stop. Had I panicked and yelled and cried and complained and pounded my fists, I might not have found my way home, or at the least, made the whole process difficult.

So when agent hunting, I can only do my best with what I know and learn and query these elusive creatures, and if I'm able to bait one in and form a great relationship, then great. If not, great. Either way, I'll trudge on.

Dats Some Big Ass Footprints

Dats Some Big Ass Footprints

All of life is a long road. We can't see more than a few hundred feet, even less in the jungle, but the only way to reveal more of the road is to just keep going. Sometimes the road ends quickly. Others will lead us for the long haul. All we can do is find our passions and follow them until it takes us to where we need to be.

The Curse and the Cure

Shake my hand, dammit

Shake my hand, dammit

From my experience, having an antagonist that seems or is very distant can present the small issue of conflict and tension; the chosen one may not always have direct contact with their antichrist. So having someone that is a little closer, aside from circumstantial disasters, to provide some conflict with the main character is important.

One good example is Draco Malfoy. In Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, For He Who Shall Not Be Named is somewhere off in the Forbidden Forest, which is forbidden, and doesn't provide direct conflict until the end. Given Malfoy's name and Harry’s alliance with Ron, Draco is in direct conflict with Potter. We as the readers realize this immediately.

In Nightfall, my hero has to fight a war with his former teacher. Problem with that, geographically, they're a continent apart. Though, the antagonist does affect my hero even through the distance, I like to have other characters that constantly give the hero issues. That along with circumstantial disasters allows me, the author, to put my hero in constant conflict by different means. I’m hoping that keeps my readers’ interest throughout the trilogy. Aside from the fact that Draco was the constant heel of Harry, my hero will have some that are constant, some that will turn on him for a good length of time, while others will represent red herrings, like Professor Snape.

I did this because the story required it, that somehow it needed it, and it wasn't a conscious requirement on my part. What got me thinking about it was a hike that I’d done with a group in Point Reyes, located in Northern California next to the coast. It’s an incredible area, known for secluded beaches, immense hikes—ours was 15 miles—and shaded trails that bode well even in the summer (see gallery below).

Fuck with me not

Fuck with me not

Around twenty of us went, most were very friendly, and I’d known a few of them from prior hikes. There was one woman who seemed to be my heel for the day. Why? I don't know exactly, but maybe because after I introduced myself I had left without continuing our conversation. I felt no connection to her whatsoever, I usually don’t know why when that happens, but most of the time my intuition is right so felt no reason to talk to her further.

Half-hour into the hike, a group of us were talking about something, and she made a point. I disagreed with it, and she kicked dirt at me. So being immature, I kicked dirt back. I know, childish. Then, like a thundercat, she reached for the ground and grabbed a fistful of dirt, twigs and leaves, ready to throw it at my face. She demanded why I kicked dirt at her, and I’m like…what? Like a third grader on the playground, I said, “You kicked dirt at me first!”

“Oh, we’re even then,” she agreed. 

Don't mess wit me sucka

Don't mess wit me sucka

At this point, I began to see my intuition was correct.

Throughout the hike, she kept taking jabs at me. Somehow, we stumbled onto the conversation on height, and I jokingly stated she was short. She pointed her finger at me and said, “Hey! You’re short. I’m average.” She’s 5’2” and I’m 5’6”. Sorry little girl, but we’re both short. I said nothing, thinking my immature behavior earlier might have prompted the wrath from this woman before realizing maybe it was me leaving abruptly when we met.

Everything makes sense now

Everything makes sense now

Toward the end of the hike, I was flirting with a girl, and I had said something she didn’t understand. So when I tried to explain, she had laughed and told me don’t even try. So I said,” You’re gonna play me like dat?” Sometimes I get ghetto without knowing it. The woman with the wrath turned around—she wasn’t even part of the conversation—and said, “She knows you’re full of it,” and high-fived the girl. Since the short comment, I decided not to joke with this woman because she definitely can’t take it. She had found great comfort and camaraderie with people who seemed to agree with her philosophies of life, nothing wrong with that. But I knew she was a person who was very closed. Her ego dictated her every emotion and action. Not saying mine doesn’t have some effect on me—kicking-dirt incident—but when it happens I’m aware of it, which was why I didn’t react to the many jabs she’d taken.

All of this is to say one thing: trust your intuition. Well, how do you do this? Simple. Whenever you have confirmation that your intuition is true, you thank it.

I began to realize this when I kept cursing myself whenever I forgot my keys, or my bag, etc. I forgot more and more and more. So I tried something new. Whenever I remembered something, I thanked whatever part of my mind that remembered. And I forgot less and less. Do I still forget things? Sure. But not to the degree when I punished myself for it.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Let go. Things will get better.

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Tell Parents Go to Hell

A movie based on the most beloved children's book opens this weekend. I remember reading Maurice Sendak's book Where the Wilde Things Are.  I was taking a short break at work and saw this picture: maurice-sendak-wild-things-little-bear-gay-nigh-kitchen-art-author-illustrator

In an interview, Sendak was asked what he'd say to parents about the movie being too scary for kids.  His response?

"I would tell them to go to hell. That's a question I will not tolerate."

I love that.  Not that I want people to go to hell.  Nor do I believe in a hell, but one that we create for ourselves.  That's a topic for another post.

I'm tired of parents, or people, telling an author, film maker, or storyteller what their story should or shouldn't include.  First of all, it's not those people's story to tell.  Second of all, authors usually don't know where their inspiration come from.  What they do know is they have to be loyal,honest, to the stories that are given to them.  Any conformity the author makes, outside of story structure, can destroy the story itself.

J.K. Rowling has been bombarded with upset parents and church groups for writing her Harry Potter novels.  Her books have been on many banned book lists.  A sign that an author has made it. Her response has been the same when questioned about her dark material.  She's told them not to read her books.  Adventures of Huckleberry Finn written by Mark Twain has been banned.  And that has been considered a great American novel.

If a parent, or anyone, who finds a movie, book, TV show, anything offensive, then ignore it.  Time is too precious to focus on what you don't like.  Focus on what you do.

Even when a story comes to a writer, and it goes against traditional story structure, then the writer should go with their intuition.  Take the hit book to movie Slumdog Millionaire.  It uses flashbacks to tell most of the story.  I can't tell you how many books, teachers, and professional writers state flashbacks are a big no no.  It simply takes the threat of death away.  But it worked.  It worked so well that tension was still a driving force in those flashbacks.  That's because other's died.  But still, it worked!

Follow your passions.  Follow your intuition.  Great thinkers and leaders do.