Hey Baby...

Babies. You can grow them. Julienne them. Boil them. Bake them. Sauté them. Juice them into a healthy drink. Or eat them raw. There are a myriad of things you can do with baby carrots. But I don't wanna lead you astray. Let's talk about babies, the human kind.

My last relationship ended because I wasn't sure I wanted to raise a child, let alone have a child. I told my then girlfriend that I leaned heavily on the side of not spreading my genetic material. Unless we're talking about a pearl necklace, in which case lie down and enjoy. As most women know, men do not have the best aim, so the pearls may come in different sizes.

We had many long discussions about children, whether I cared if she raised her Muslim—I didn't—whether I cared if she taught her Arabic—I didn't—whether I wanted her to learn Cantonese—sure but I wouldn't be the one to teach that language. About the only thing we agreed on was that my ex should fulfill her need to become a mother and that I shouldn't hold her back. So here we are.

I spoke to my office wife about children at length. But her perspective about not having children is much different than mine. Her biggest concerns were:

  1. Why bring children into this world?
  2. Why ruin your happiness?

Her first point referred to events like 9/11, terrorism, the death that befalls around us.

We as humans are capable of the most horrible of things, defining what a true monster really is. Spanish Inquisition anyone? The Holocaust. However, we can also create the most beautiful things this world has ever seen. Life it seems is just as common as death. As I have written, everything is in the world, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is what we choose to see that colors our reality in that moment.

Which leads us to her second point: Children lay waste to happiness. My office wife had talked to a few couples who have children. Some looked unusually unhappy. Some were divorced. Never had she mentioned knowing any couples with children who were happy. And that's the issue. She's colored her lenses so all she noticed were couples with severe issues and linked them with children.

When I write articles about my experiences with people, such as my encounter with this delightful idiot, people may think he's like this all the time. And that's not true. He's not often delightful. I'm sure he has his moments, few and far between as they may be. But I've colored my own lenses having only hung out with him a handful of times and not liking him all that much.

Now, I'm a chill dude. But I'm not chill all the time. Sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts and overthink, complain, whine, cry, and get fuckin' pissed off. I imagine parents are similar. They're people also. Sometimes they look tired because they are tired. Sometimes they're over joyed because their child said Mommy or Daddy for the first time, or composed his first symphony like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. You know. Appreciate that small things.

The other day I was talking to my girl friend, friend that is girl. Well, she's a woman. Woman friend. She told me that her friend's boyfriend had broken up with her and stated the reason was she hadn't measure up to what he wanted physically, looks wise. I've seen pictures of this woman. In one word she's gawd dayem stunningly hawt and scrumptious. But that's not the issue. The issue lies with the blind feller. Maybe he doesn't feel a connection. Maybe he likes big breasted bodacious blondes. Who knows. So it is with parents divorcing. It's never the children.

When I wrote my book, I knew that war between factions, provinces in this case, was really the background to what the real story was about, a father and mother dealing with the death of their child. The war was like a catalyst or a magnifying glass that flares the issues within and between the characters.

Again, I imagine children to be like this. Raising kids ain't easy. There's a reason It takes a village is a well known saying. So it's not surprising that issues may bubble up to the surface in the insane chaos of a job called child rearing. But it's never the children's fault when it comes to divorce.

To me deciding to have or not to have kid(s) is extremely personal. Influence from societal norms, married friends with children and family pressure should not weigh in on that pivotal choice. My office wife doesn't want to have kids. But she shouldn't blame it on factors that our outside of herself. It's a personal choice and no explanation either way is needed.